Monday, February 22, 2010

Well here it is

About 2 1/2 months ago I was diagnosed with Postpartum Depression. If you are a friend or even a family member and you are wondering why you didn't know, it's because I didn't tell anyone. It wasn't because I was embarrassed, I would hope these days most people understand that there is no way to prevent it, and it's to no fault of the mother. I guess I just felt like I didn't want people to question my love or devotion to my new little miracle. There are varying degrees of it, and I think part of the reason it took so long for me to figure it out was because I was misinformed about what it actually was.

I assumed that in order to have PPD you had to have all of the extreme symptoms. Wanting to hurt yourself, and your baby. Can't get out of bed, etc. Since I didn't feel any of those things it never occur ed to me that I could have it. I was extremely stressed, but I figured what new mom isn't. I cried a lot, but who wouldn't after such sleep deprivation. Overall I just wasn't as happy as I knew I should be, as I wanted to be. I looked up the symptoms on the Internet and burst into tears. I read the list and with every symptom the guilt became heavier and heavier. I mean all I wanted my whole life was to be a mom, how could I feel this way. But after talking to my amazing doctor, and taking some time to adjust I know it is NOT MY FAULT.



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9 comments:

  1. I have PPD as well. I am on Zoloft and it makes me feel SO MUCH BETTER. It sucks to have the feelings I had. I would cry all the time and didn't appreciate Molly. I wanted to shake her when she cried. I wanted to leave her screaming in another room and not take care of her because I just did.not.care.
    My world changed when I started Zoloft. I feel like a completely different person, so I totally understand what you're talking about.
    Props for talking about it, it is NOT an easy thing to discuss.

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  2. Same here darlin, my PPD is up and down. With Holden's colic it was horrid... and now it's getting better. I'm also on Zoloft, and it has made a huge difference. Just know that you're not alone, we're all here to support one another! Come find us on the PPD board :)

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  3. PS I just nominated you for a Sunshine Award on my blog ;)

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  4. I had PPD too and walked a thin line with telling people. Part of me wanted to tell everyone because I found that talking about it really helped me. I was very discouraged when telling some people, because they just don't get it. I don't know that anyone who has not been through depression or anxiety themselves can truly understand what it's like. Through it all I came to have an understanding and new appreciation for mental health and awareness.

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  5. Good for you for writing this post! I'm glad there are so many outlets for us now - for support and for guidance. It really makes a difference - knowing you're not alone.

    :-)

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  6. I understand this on such a deep level. It took me 5 months to reccognize that I had PPD, even though deep down I knew it. All the signs of my past struggles were there, but for some reason I didn't associate it with a problem. I think I kept looking at my life, my marriage and my baby and telling myself I had nothing to be depressed about. I have a dream baby and a supportive husband, there didn't seem to be a reason. I finally told myself that there doesn't have to be a reason, depression is a chemical imbalance not a direct link to bad things in your life. Thank you for writing this, you are so lucky to have a supportive family that will understand this. I'm too scared to write something in my blog, it's a hard thing for someone who has never been through it to understand. We can be each-others support system! Hugs. =0)

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  7. I was just diagnosed last week with PPD. I was like you - I didn't know! I knew I was tired, overwhelmed, stressed. But I figured it was normal. It took almost 7 months before I knew - my doctor put me on Prozac.
    Good luck! I have told a few people, but this makes me realize that I shouldn't keep it in! Maybe I can help someone else out.

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  8. hi! Following from FFF @ MBC. Thanks for being so courageous and sharing this with everyone. I'm a therapist (actually for kids) but I understand that this couldn't have been an easy thing to do! I look forward to reading more on your blog. And Jayden is adorable!!!

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