Well here it is

About 2 1/2 months ago I was diagnosed with Postpartum Depression. If you are a friend or even a family member and you are wondering why you didn't know, it's because I didn't tell anyone. It wasn't because I was embarrassed, I would hope these days most people understand that there is no way to prevent it, and it's to no fault of the mother. I guess I just felt like I didn't want people to question my love or devotion to my new little miracle. There are varying degrees of it, and I think part of the reason it took so long for me to figure it out was because I was misinformed about what it actually was.

I assumed that in order to have PPD you had to have all of the extreme symptoms. Wanting to hurt yourself, and your baby. Can't get out of bed, etc. Since I didn't feel any of those things it never occur ed to me that I could have it. I was extremely stressed, but I figured what new mom isn't. I cried a lot, but who wouldn't after such sleep deprivation. Overall I just wasn't as happy as I knew I should be, as I wanted to be. I looked up the symptoms on the Internet and burst into tears. I read the list and with every symptom the guilt became heavier and heavier. I mean all I wanted my whole life was to be a mom, how could I feel this way. But after talking to my amazing doctor, and taking some time to adjust I know it is NOT MY FAULT.

After a very long night with a sick baby who couldn't sleep, I check my stuff and see that my e-crush, I mean my e-friend Krystal at Tie a Little Ribbon nominated me for a Beautiful Blogger Award! I was shocked! But I would be lying if I said I wasn't totally excited!




Thanks to Krystal @ Tie a Little Ribbon
So here's how it works...

Here are the rules for the award:

~Thank the person who nominated you and link to their blog.

~Copy the award and paste it to your blog.

~Tell us 7 interesting facts about yourself.

~Nominate 7 bloggers that you love and link to their blog.



Seven Facts:

1. I am a military wife, and we moved away from all of my friends and family a year ago....and it is still very hard.

2. I do not like fancy restaurants, Olive Garden and Texas Roadhouse are more my style.

3. It took about 2 and 1/2 months to feel like a good mom.

4. I have been biting my nails for as long as I can remember.

5. I cried at 3 movies. The Notebook, P.S I Love You, and Gran Torino

6. I am physically addicted to McDonalds Diet Coke

7. Most of the shows I watch are mindless nonsense, and I spend the whole time thinking "Why am I watching this"



My seven nominations:
Julie @ Farber Family Adventures

Molly @ The DeFranks

Jess @ Nurse Momma

Kelle @ Enjoying the Small Things

Megan @ The life of a punk rock mommy

Metta1313 @ 365 days: 30+ Mommyhood

Blair @ Heir to Blair

4 Months

What a difference 4 months makes.
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4 months ago today, October 3rd, 2009 Jayden was born. When I think back on this day, I have happy memories. Even though labor and birth were obviously nothing short of torture, I seem to remember the good, not the bad. The hospital was great, nurses were great, and actually my doctor was soooo awesome! And of course at the end of it I got the best reward, my daughter. I remember feeling like someone else. All of a sudden I wasn't me anymore. I mean I didn't have a baby, and where did my huge stomach go? It just didn't feel real. In fact it took me a week or so to even feel like Jayden was mine. But now after 4 months, the best and the hardest 4 months of my life, I know she is mine and I am so thankful.

So now here we are, still not sleeping very well, but she is amazing me everyday with her smile and her personality. She is so happy and loving. Oh and pretty damn cute if I may say so myself. So here you go, Jayden at 4 months

Formula switch = Fail!

We have had Jayden on Similac Sensitive for a few months now. I keep hearing about this bullshit... I mean magical 4 month mark where all of her gas miraculously disapears. So we decided to try to switch her to Similac Advanced. It is supposed to be closer than ever to breastmilk and we were hoping to get her on something healthier. After 3 days we have already switched back. After 2 of the worst nights the two of us have ever had, I decided that if it aint broke, don't fix it. My poor baby has been waking up every 30-45 minutes screaming. After a tummy massage and pumping out some gas, she finally goes to sleep for an hour and a half or so. A vicouse cycle that puts both of us on the edge, teetering between sanity and curling up in a ball on the floor crying "please no more gas."

You know motherhood is special, when you can wake up after a night of torture, and look over at the one who has been torturing you all night and just smile and think...God I love her. After 4 months of being a mommy to a baby that I strongly believe to be the cutest baby in the world, the fact that I haven't slept more than four hours at a time for 4 months means nothing when I look at her and see her smile at me, and I know she loves me too.

She's in Love!

So....Jayden has developed a love affair with this little red birdie. She likes all her toys, but when this one falls out of reach, it is the only one she cries over. This video is an example of what she does with it everytime she sits in her exersaucer.

Ugh!

We have been having issues with Jayden and gas since she was born. She has trouble sleeping at night because she is grunting and fussing. Her old pedi kept saying it was normal and she would grow out of it. After 3 months of no sleep for either of us I was fed up and changed her doctor.

I took her in for her appointment with her new doctor and really liked her. She seemed a lot better than the old guy and seemed to agree with me that her gas wasn't normal. She told me that her gas wasn't a condition, it was a symptom. Her theory is that Jaydens sleep trouble is what's causing her gas. She gave me a bunch of handouts on sleep and told me to try that for a couple weeks and come back if it doesn't work.

I was really excited to try all of these methods she gave me and read all of the handouts as soon as I got home. All of the handouts told me to let her CIO! I know some people agree with this and I don't fault them for that, every child is different. I just know that MY baby is too young for this and she is too stubborn to respond to it.

Moms are taught to hold their newborns all the time, never let them cry, and it's ok for them to fall asleep in your arms. All of a sudden my LO turns 3 months and the doctor is telling me everything I do is wrong. Holding her till she falls asleep is training her to not be able to fall asleep on her own, and feeding her at night is bad because it will train her to wake up to eat.

I just feel all of a sudden like everything I am doing is wrong and I am setting up my child for failure.

3 Months!

January 3rd Jayden turned 3 months. I should probably be saying things like, "oh time is going by too fast", or "she is growing up too quickly." But with Jayden still not sleeping very well, I welcome her getting older in hopes of reaching the nights where we sleep more than 4 hours. She has discovered her hands, and apparently they taste good because she constantly has them in her mouth. She has very good head control, and can stand up with help for a pretty impressive amount of time. She can even roll from her tummy onto her back. At her 3 month appointment she weighed 14.5 lbs and was 24 inches. Now on to the part you all really want to see....pictures!